Caution: Watch Out! Pregnant Lady Near!

After laugh­ing my head off at this post from May­hem & Moxie I was just think­ing about some of the weird and not so great moments of my preg­nan­cies that I now find funny…

• “Wow you’re huge… Its cute, just like a baby ele­phant..” (yeah… because ya know, a baby ele­phant is so much cuter than a nor­mal ele­phant right?)
  This was com­ing from another preg­nant woman who looked like a pen­guin but I mean… I do have manners…
• My hair brush some­how falls on the floor while I’m using it,
  “Faheem..” (I scream to the other room)
  “Yeah?“
  “Ummm I dropped my brush on the floor…” 
  I can see he is  sort of annoyed that I called him all the way from the other room for this so I tell him how I hate to have to rely on other peo­ple and promptly remind him about the story of how I threw out my back in my last preg­nancy by bend­ing down (yada yada yada) and I had to get a painful injec­tion in my back and couldn’t even go to the bath­room on my own… so this is obvi­ously the eas­ier way out for him ”
• I was crav­ing an ice cream from McDon­alds… as I get it and take my first lick it some­how falls.… I begin cry­ing…
  “Here, have mine“
  “I don’t want YOUR ice cream!” I man­age to get out in between the tears…
  “Then I’ll get you another ice cream babe“
  “But I don’t want another ice cream! I want MY ice cream… the one I had first!!!“
  Faheem looks at me and laughs (in a cute way that made me laugh too)
• I had a few red marks on my body(in my first preg­nancy) which I actu­ally thought were scratches for weeks (since I own a cat and all… )
  No wait.. I don’t actu­ally own a cat… hmmm wow… they must be scratches of love.
  Wow I’ve never had that before… this is pretty cool.…
• After real­is­ing that the ‘scratches’ are what a stretch mark looks like I was down and tem­porar­ily depressed… Some­body muti­lated my body!
  I imme­di­ately spent hours research­ing new tech­niques to get rid of stretch marks… after com­ing out empty handed I fiound a lovely post some­where about how some­one says to embrace the marks of love from a preg­nancy… a mem­ory I can always phys­i­cally see…
  (Yay i feel bet­ter… no really I do… and every time I don’t feel bet­ter then
  I remind myself over and over about the marks of love from my kids and how I will always have them with me… FOREVER.. or at least until I find a laser that works with­out burn­ing off all my skin)
• In my first preg­nancy I counted my stretch marks and it bugged me. In my sec­ond preg­nancy I wasn’t phased by it.
  I didn’t count any.
  I couldn’t remem­ber which one came when
  I mean… it can’t get any worse! (Oh YES it can!!)
• After my preg­nancy I went to get a quo­ta­tion on the new laser for stretch marks.
  “Wait, did I hear that cor­rectly? You need to put me under a gen­eral anaes­thetic. Then you burn off the skin and then new skin grows in its place? If I have stretch marks that obvi­ously means my skin does not heal well… how would burn­ing my skin off look bet­ter than the stretch marks?!”
• When I’d eat at my mother in laws house I always won­dered why she both­ers dish­ing out food on our side of the table in a sep­a­rate dish­ing out bowl… Can’t you see that I’m preg­nant? Give me the whole bowl…
  It’s not fun hav­ing to dish out food in my plate a mil­lion times while every­one else knows the food in that par­tic­u­lar bowl BELONGS to me the preg­nant lady.
  If they didn’t realise that the food in that bowl belonged to me then my evil looks directed their way every time they would touch the spoon was a good indication.
• After I gained 16 kg in my first preg­nancy I vowed to watch my weight in my sec­ond preg­nancy… That went out the win­dow when the nau­sea and hunger pangs hit. I would do ANYTHING to not feel nau­seous which meant eat­ing and snack­ing through­out the day. Who cares? I’m preg­nant and I’m hun­gry!
  (Yep.. I gained a whop­ping 22kg’s… or at least, that is when I stopped check­ing the scale.)
• Why is it that peo­ple think it is ok to call a preg­nant woman fat? You wouldn’t call a nor­mal woman fat. Do man­ners fly out the win­dow when you are talk­ing to some­one preg­nant? And.… “WOW I didn’t even recog­nise you” is the same thing!
  Well… I’ll be the last one laugh­ing when I get skinny again (and after 8 months post par­tum I could say HA Ha HA)

• When I used to get wor­ried that my son had not kicked for a while I’d tell my hubby to put his hand on my stom­ach and Deen would promptly kick like crazy… I say he was kick­ing because he was say­ing,
  “It’s my mommy, get away from her.”
  Faheem says it was because he loves his daddy so much that he was already try­ing to bond.
  Potato’s potaaaatos… who cares?

I always won­dered some­thing when preg­nant. Why don’t they have a stall in the woman’s bath­room specif­i­cally for the bat­tered up blad­der of a preg­nant woman?
Then I had kids and I def­i­nitely think kids should get pref­er­ence too… I mean… “Mama! Pee’s com­ing out” should really set off some bath­room sirens! Every­one duck!

I’m look­ing for some laughs today after hav­ing had a rough last week… Please leave a com­ment from a funny preg­nant moment

Tagged as: humor, pregnant, thoughts and ramblings