I love my kids so much that sometimes I actually feel like my heart is going to EXPLODE…Â
Try as we may we can never explain, whats been said between your heart and mine. (Deen 3 1/2)
Today, I feel the need to write.
About what you may wonder? I really don’t know. I’d like to write about everything and yet about nothing.
I feel like doing a brain dump, like we did in the 7th grade to clear my mind and to start fresh.Â
This has been an unusually hard week for me.Â
Aaliya has the flu which throws her sleep out the window and has made my poor princess crabby. She started her antibiotic (Oralex) today. Add to that my very painful training with my new personal trainer and torn muscles … its been an OUCH week…Â
Deen has to go for a quick procedure on his eye. His tear duct is not open big enough on both eyes which causes his eyes to water constantly. The doctor will have to put a needle in his tear duct to make the hole bigger.
I am so worried about putting him under general anesthetic, it’s a worry currently living in my heart and brain.
I think that is the reason I’ve been having such a tough week emotionally. As a parent, we wish to have control over our kids lives and protect them from difficulties and pain. I think giving up control (example. putting them under general anesthetic) pushes my need to protect him to a level that I can’t comprehend. Having to leave him in an operating room at the age of 3 years 10 months while I wont be allowed to sit with him and hold his hand hurts me… I feel like I’m throwing him to the wolves. We hold each others hands through any difficult moments. He held mine during my blood test and I always hold his hand whenever he needs me.Â
Mama holding Deen's hand while he fights the flu and a very high fever...
I have been watching him the last few nights while he sleeps. I get in bed with him, cuddle with him whole heart-edly while I kiss his forehead in the quiet darkness of the night. I put my cheek on his cheek and whisper, “I love you so much more than you could ever know and more than I could possibly ever show.” He won’t remember it in the morning but his heart will always know that his Mama loves him all the way through the depths of her soul.Â
Deen: Mama, I love you to the stars and back! Mama: Deen I love you to the moon and back!
My little baby Deen is growing so quickly, he has become so responsible, is as loving as always and has finally become a mama’s baby again. My pregnancy and breastfeeding Aaliya proved to be a big adjustment for him and although he distanced himself a bit from being mama’s baby to give Aaliya space in our family he has found his way back to me as Mama’s amazing son.Â
You can always count on me... (Deen 5 months old)
I am there for you... every single step of the way...
My darling angel, my darling child... I will teach you how to fly.
Wow, writing my thoughts down really worked. I feel so much better!Â