I love my kids so much that sometimes I actually feel like my heart is going to EXPLODE…
Try as we may we can never explain, whats been said between your heart and mine. (Deen 3 1/2)
Today, I feel the need to write.
About what you may wonder? I really don’t know. I’d like to write about everything and yet about nothing.
I feel like doing a brain dump, like we did in the 7th grade to clear my mind and to start fresh.
This has been an unusually hard week for me.
Aaliya has the flu which throws her sleep out the window and has made my poor princess crabby. She started her antibiotic (Oralex) today. Add to that my very painful training with my new personal trainer and torn muscles … its been an OUCH week…
Deen has to go for a quick procedure on his eye. His tear duct is not open big enough on both eyes which causes his eyes to water constantly. The doctor will have to put a needle in his tear duct to make the hole bigger.
I am so worried about putting him under general anesthetic, it’s a worry currently living in my heart and brain.
I think that is the reason I’ve been having such a tough week emotionally. As a parent, we wish to have control over our kids lives and protect them from difficulties and pain. I think giving up control (example. putting them under general anesthetic) pushes my need to protect him to a level that I can’t comprehend. Having to leave him in an operating room at the age of 3 years 10 months while I wont be allowed to sit with him and hold his hand hurts me… I feel like I’m throwing him to the wolves. We hold each others hands through any difficult moments. He held mine during my blood test and I always hold his hand whenever he needs me.
Mama holding Deen’s hand while he fights the flu and a very high fever…
I have been watching him the last few nights while he sleeps. I get in bed with him, cuddle with him whole heart-edly while I kiss his forehead in the quiet darkness of the night. I put my cheek on his cheek and whisper, “I love you so much more than you could ever know and more than I could possibly ever show.” He won’t remember it in the morning but his heart will always know that his Mama loves him all the way through the depths of her soul.
Deen: Mama, I love you to the stars and back! Mama: Deen I love you to the moon and back!
My little baby Deen is growing so quickly, he has become so responsible, is as loving as always and has finally become a mama’s baby again. My pregnancy and breastfeeding Aaliya proved to be a big adjustment for him and although he distanced himself a bit from being mama’s baby to give Aaliya space in our family he has found his way back to me as Mama’s amazing son.
You can always count on me… (Deen 5 months old)
I am there for you… every single step of the way…
-
My darling angel, my darling child… I will teach you how to fly.
Wow, writing my thoughts down really worked. I feel so much better!
After laughing my head off at this post from Mayhem & Moxie I was just thinking about some of the weird and not so great moments of my pregnancies that I now find funny…
- “Wow you’re huge… Its cute, just like a baby elephant..” (yeah… because ya know, a baby elephant is so much cuter than a normal elephant right?)
This was coming from another pregnant woman who looked like a penguin but I mean… I do have manners…
- My hair brush somehow falls on the floor while I’m using it,
“Faheem..” (I scream to the other room)
“Yeah?“
“Ummm I dropped my brush on the floor…”
I can see he is sort of annoyed that I called him all the way from the other room for this so I tell him how I hate to have to rely on other people and promptly remind him about the story of how I threw out my back in my last pregnancy by bending down (yada yada yada) and I had to get a painful injection in my back and couldn’t even go to the bathroom on my own… so this is obviously the easier way out for him 
”
- I was craving an ice cream from McDonalds… as I get it and take my first lick it somehow falls.… I begin crying…
“Here, have mine“
“I don’t want YOUR ice cream!” I manage to get out in between the tears…
“Then I’ll get you another ice cream babe“
“But I don’t want another ice cream! I want MY ice cream… the one I had first!!!“
Faheem looks at me and laughs (in a cute way that made me laugh too)
- I had a few red marks on my body(in my first pregnancy) which I actually thought were scratches for weeks (since I own a cat and all… )
No wait.. I don’t actually own a cat… hmmm wow… they must be scratches of love.
Wow I’ve never had that before… this is pretty cool.…
- After realising that the ‘scratches’ are what a stretch mark looks like I was down and temporarily depressed… Somebody mutilated my body!
I immediately spent hours researching new techniques to get rid of stretch marks… after coming out empty handed I fiound a lovely post somewhere about how someone says to embrace the marks of love from a pregnancy… a memory I can always physically see…
(Yay i feel better… no really I do… and every time I don’t feel better then
I remind myself over and over about the marks of love from my kids and how I will always have them with me… FOREVER.. or at least until I find a laser that works without burning off all my skin)
- In my first pregnancy I counted my stretch marks and it bugged me. In my second pregnancy I wasn’t phased by it.
I didn’t count any.
I couldn’t remember which one came when
I mean… it can’t get any worse! (Oh YES it can!!)
- After my pregnancy I went to get a quotation on the new laser for stretch marks.
“Wait, did I hear that correctly? You need to put me under a general anaesthetic. Then you burn off the skin and then new skin grows in its place? If I have stretch marks that obviously means my skin does not heal well… how would burning my skin off look better than the stretch marks?!”
- When I’d eat at my mother in laws house I always wondered why she bothers dishing out food on our side of the table in a separate dishing out bowl… Can’t you see that I’m pregnant? Give me the whole bowl…
It’s not fun having to dish out food in my plate a million times while everyone else knows the food in that particular bowl BELONGS to me the pregnant lady.
If they didn’t realise that the food in that bowl belonged to me then my evil looks directed their way every time they would touch the spoon was a good indication.
- After I gained 16 kg in my first pregnancy I vowed to watch my weight in my second pregnancy… That went out the window when the nausea and hunger pangs hit. I would do ANYTHING to not feel nauseous which meant eating and snacking throughout the day. Who cares? I’m pregnant and I’m hungry!
(Yep.. I gained a whopping 22kg’s… or at least, that is when I stopped checking the scale.)
- Why is it that people think it is ok to call a pregnant woman fat? You wouldn’t call a normal woman fat. Do manners fly out the window when you are talking to someone pregnant? And.… “WOW I didn’t even recognise you” is the same thing!
Well… I’ll be the last one laughing when I get skinny again (and after 8 months post partum I could say HA Ha HA)
- When I used to get worried that my son had not kicked for a while I’d tell my hubby to put his hand on my stomach and Deen would promptly kick like crazy… I say he was kicking because he was saying,
“It’s my mommy, get away from her.”
Faheem says it was because he loves his daddy so much that he was already trying to bond.
Potato’s potaaaatos… who cares?
My husband came home to me with my legs up on my desk sitting at the computer with my stomach fully exposed and my hand all over my stomach…
“Umm… What are you doing?“
“I’m watching the waves in my stomach.. It’s so cool! Come see”
I always wondered something when pregnant. Why don’t they have a stall in the woman’s bathroom specifically for the battered up bladder of a pregnant woman?
Then I had kids and I definitely think kids should get preference too… I mean… “Mama! Pee’s coming out” should really set off some bathroom sirens! Everyone duck!
I’m looking for some laughs today after having had a rough last week… Please leave a comment from a funny pregnant moment
